heaven's not a place that you go when you die,

jack's mannequin

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 21:21:08 GMT

So much time has passed. I have these moments where I think to myself where are you, who are you, what day is it today? Time is lost on me. It always has been. To me, the most sensible thing about time is that the clock is a perfect circle. I keep coming back here; back to this place, but on a different day and with a different set of eyes. I read an old journal this morning. Nearly by accident, but not exactly. It had been lying there in my closet waiting for a home after a recent unpacking. Before I retired it to the drawer where I retire things, I gave it one last look. A page from another life. Same person, different day, different set of eyes, lighter pressure on the pen. A page full of certainty and also full of questions. It's always strange to read the things you've hoped for in the past because by now those hopes may be spoken for or gone, transformed or altogether forgotten. Like time, hope can be so senseless. It can carry us up mountains or lie us in the quicksand. But like time, hope is unstoppable, inevitable, and blind. Sometimes we travel fast, hurdling towards the unknown, sometimes the unknown comes hurdling towards us while we watch time standing still. All of this means very little I'm sure, but it felt like something when I sat down to write it.

Perhaps I've been wasting our time.

quoting ronnie day:

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:31:53 GMT

These Kids are way too cool for me, now. It’s like everyone else gets this newsletter with all of the good stuff in it: what to wear, what to hear, how to speak and what to speak out against… The public opinion moves like a pack of animals, each frightened soul pushing it’s way towards the middle of the herd for fear of the wolves or the wind outside.

Well, I’ll tell you Kids… We wolves have better ways to fill our bellies, and the wind doesn’t care about you, either. Your scenes will take you all the way home. Your scene will keep you safe-- you’ll never think a thought of your own, and you’ll never know what you could have known, where you could have gone, or whether you were right or wrong… But your soul, Kids. Your soul can’t flat iron it’s hair.

news!

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 04:08:20 GMT

this just in:

i love life!

yay!

anyone wanna join me?!

some sweet, some bitter

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 15:03:47 GMT

ah this was a fun weekend
went to katie's house yesterday after going to the mall and doin a little shopping, i had to get a suit for my cousin's wedding in about a month and a half
we went to olive garden for dinner and now its basically my favorite restaurant ever =p it was soo good
then we went to wegman's, got some candy, and went to her high school's play
they did grease, i thought it was pretty good for high school kids, but apparently they're usually better, oh well, i enjoyed it

on a different note, i got into Syracuse =)
however, i got waitlisted from RPI =( =( =(
i guess its not completely over yet tho, i still have a chance to get in
but one question:
does anyone know how long it takes for schools to tell the waitlisted ppl whether they're in or out?
cuz there are deadlines to tell other schools whether or not i'm goin there and RPI is still my top choice so i dont wanna count it out yet...

procrastinators unite! ......tomorrow

Thu, 06 Mar 2008 02:14:03 GMT

Procrastination

Yesterday, I said I would
Until the time had passed,
And now today, I see my list
Of never-ending tasks.

Why so, I ask myself, did I
Put off that task at hand?
For yesterday has added to
My ever-growing plans,

Of things I say I will attend,
Accomplish or provide;
Seems every day I put if off -
It multiplies in size.

A simple job if given
My devotion for a time;
Would surely have resolved itself
And eased my worried mind.

However, due to circumstance,
As always is the case;
I had no time to spend that day …
I had no time to waste.

For yesterday, I worked on
All the tasks I had delayed,
From days before when I would say
I have no time today.

You see, tomorrow’s easier
To say that I will vow,
To catch up on the overload,
And yet - I wonder how?

‘Tis easier to play the part
Of victim in this case,
And be the martyr ever-more
I have no time to waste.

for katie...

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 02:56:41 GMT

A Perfect Moment

Beautiful eyes open across a pillow top,
It seems for this moment time will stop,
The earth slows and sounds wane,
A frozen moment without stain.

Your body close to mine,
Our hearts beat in time,
With a smile of simple pleasure,
This moment should last forever.

Some say perfection is unattainable
For most things that's explainable,
But in your arms and with your heart's affection
I have found a brief moment of perfection.

untitled

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 04:14:48 GMT

hmmm well break was alright
i went to old forge from wednesday to sunday
there were drunk adults every night, kinda funny, kinda scary
i became a master of card games - gin rummy, crazy eights, pitch, and euchure
we went snowmobiling and skiing and watched the northeastern dogsled championship race =)
we had 3 quizzes, a short answer test, and other test corrections for physics to do over break, i only got the short answer test done, which i was up til 3 am sunday night (well, monday morning) in order to get it done
ugh, so much physics, basically my life from after school til bed is physics and only physics, so wackkkk
i miss katie =( i haven't seen her in over a week =(

i got a jack johnson guitar book =) i'm pretty pumped about it, too bad i haven't been able to practice any of it

fucking physics.

college

Sat, 16 Feb 2008 18:59:24 GMT

i got accepted to Clarkson =)

but no scholarship =(

... well, yet

Mon, 11 Feb 2008 06:10:09 GMT

well all in all it was a pretty eventful weekend i'd say

friday was the hockey game at CA - tons of fun and craziness, especially considering our fans were louder than theres and they had more ppl and they were the home team...thats kinda sweet. i'm pretty excited for the home sectional game, hopefully they'll do well enough to get another shot at CA, i hate those douchebags damnit

saturday i went to katie's for the day/night. we went to their senior night hockey game at 3 (against CA, what are the chances?) and they actually almost won but came up a goal short, oh so sadly.

then we grabbed a bite to eat and went to the rochester knighthawks game (pro lacrosse). this is where the fun REALLY got started.

so about 10 min into the game, this kid who was with was told katie to move her bag bcuz someone was puking behind us, so we figured it was a couple rows back ya kno? but then i turn around only to see this girl just puking a streamline right on to katie's coat and part of her back and eventually onto the floor. yeah. i was pissed and started flippin out on this girl, katie was in shock, and this girl simply got up, looked at us, and walked away. she didnt say a goddamn word, no sorry. nothing. meanwhile thru this all, i'm startin to gag cuz i cant stand the smell or look of puke, so we had to leave immediately, katie washed her coat and shirt off the best she could, some generous lady helped her out with it, and managed to make it smell like something other than puke, so we did stay and finish watching the game (in a different section) and hey, they scored 9 goals in the 4th quarter to win 11-4, not too shabby...

its hard for me to understand why someone wouldn't even say sorry or anything tho, thats what bothered me the most about it. we told this puerto rican guy about it later in the game, and he said he would've even given us money for katie's shirt, and this girl can even say sorry?

its baffling.

in better news, i got accepted to UB and a $12,000 scholarship for 4 years (3k each year), so thats always good

i hate playing the waiting game for colleges...

conforming

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 21:26:26 GMT

stolen from ronna and laura:

Open iTunes, Musicmatch, Winamp or Windows Media Player to answer the following. Go to your library. Answer, no matter how embarrassing it is...

Sort by song
First song: Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
Last song:

Sort by time
Shortest song: Jeff Wears Birkenstocks - NOFX
Longest song: Trapped in the Closet - R. Kelly

Sort by Artist
First Artist: The Academy Is...
Last Artist: 50 Cent

Sort by album
First Album: The Album - Ronnie Day
Last Album: Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! - Hellogoodbye

Sort by Most played
What song: Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New
How Many plays: 59

Search the key word and see how many songs appear
"Sex": [5]
"Death": [14]
"Love": [34]
"You": [124]
"Me": [163]
''Drugs'': [0]
''Hate'': [4]
Search for your own name, how many?: [0]

Do The Shuffle!
Shuffle your library and list the first ten songs. Be honest!
1) honest mistake - the bravery
2) running out of days - 3 doors down
3) all along the watchtower - jimi hendrix
4) breaking the habit - linkin park
5) half moon bay- ronnie day
6) so damn lucky - dmb
7) night on fire - vhs or beta
8) that was a crazy game of poker - OAR
9) helicopter - bloc party
10) your call - secondhand serenade

wooohooo

the tide - the spill canvas

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 22:46:42 GMT

alcohol is not the answer... right?... right?!

Sat, 26 Jan 2008 05:59:45 GMT

i'm bored.

sigh

well i just resorted to a myspace survey to preoccupy myself, but now i'm done, so hey, now i'm doin this, i'm movin on up in the world!

disappointing loss last night, refs kinda sucked, oh well, karma!

i got 20 buckaroos today =) i have money! yay money!

so i havent really hung out with much of my friends much so far this week, so i'm thinkin we should do something tomorrow or sunday? (since we have monday off) just lemme know, i'll be available all weekend

girls can be bitches. i hate when someone just absolutely hates someone else without a good enough reason, it really really really bugs the shit out of me

damnit i hate that.

sigh

i'm bored.

???

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:34:36 GMT

i need a few questions answered, so i hope someone, anyone, can be of any assistance.

can people really change in general? can they change for someone?

is taking the better of two extremes a terrible thing to do?

is taking the better of two extremes a terrible thing to do if there is nothing better?

am i hard person to just go up to and talk to?

am i an awkward person to talk to in person?

is it my reddish hair? (haha.)

happy new year.

Wed, 02 Jan 2008 02:04:58 GMT

the countdown is over now,
another year has passed us by.
a new year has just begun,
I thought of you when the fireworks filled the sky.
the first day of my new year.
the first day of my new life.

Fri, 28 Dec 2007 06:32:35 GMT

i cant sleep for some reason
so i'm watching the movie Coach Carter on tv
i recommend watching it to anyone and everyone
its a fantastic movie
and i feel inspired now =)
inspired to do something great
and privileged to have what i have
hopefully i wont let this inspiration go to waste...

so on christmas eve, my dad called to wish us a merry christmas
i was in the shower at the time so he had to simply leave a message, it sucks a lot
why? i mean it was only a phone call anyway
well we haven't talked to him since last January when his girlfriend died of cancer, only a few months after our grandpa, his father, died
now i don't mean to seem like i want people to feel sorry for me, cuz i dont
its just that its surprising how much one phone call can mean; how much one minute of someone's time can mean to somebody else
its downright crazy to me.

sigh

i miss him.

christmas! ...well, almost

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:15:12 GMT

why do i trust someone who constantly lets me down? i mean sometimes he pulls through for me and we have a good time out of it, but what about all those times he fails to call me when he says he will, especially when we had been planning something for a few days now... why do i trust someone who constantly lets me down?

ugh.

well tonight's christmas eve, i'm pretty excited. my aunt, uncle (yes, mr grenier)and two cousins come over for dinner and such around 5ish, then they leave, then they come back along with the whole rest of my rather large family around 10 til about 12:30, 1 o'clock...should be fun as always

the one thing i had really wanted for christmas was a new cell phone, and my mom was going to get me it, but a few days ago i decided that i really don't need a new cell phone at all, that the one i have right now is perfectly fine, and that i can just wait for a really good cell phone to come out and save money for it (maybe). so basically i easily could have had a new cell phone, and i decided against it... that seems like a sign of change, for me at least. and now all i have on my list are like gift cards, movies, a cd, and one game, meh, oh well.

one final note - my favorite music video of all time: gotta watch it all the way through tho

i got into college =)

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 21:42:42 GMT

sooooo i got into Norwich University =)
its my back up school,
but hey,

i'm goin to college =D

yup, once again, not doing lit...

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 02:51:59 GMT

work parties are surprisingly fun =)
older people who run restaurants are also surprisingly fun =)
college kids who work at said restaurants and bring Solo Brand Party Cups are fun =) but hey thats not too surprising
work parties are surprisingly fun =)

people bug me.
only certain people tho.
but they bug the shit out of me.

certain people bug the shit out of me.

and i need some help with something because of these damn buggers.

ok so lets take a nice look at a COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL example:

lets say theres this girl, and she thinks this guy is pretty much the best think in the world, but she is rather annoying and clingy and doesn't seem to ever get over him, and he really just wants to get rid of her. he has tried numerous things, ignoring every phone call and every text and not seeming to care about anything she says, yet every time, this girl comes back to him, crying over the phone numerous amounts of time and making countless attempts to make him feel sorry for her, only really pushing him away from her even more.

what can this guy possibly do to just get rid of her once and for all?

not doing lit...

Mon, 17 Dec 2007 04:16:45 GMT

hmmm so whats been goin on lately? not much really...

the bills lost today, 8-0 in a blizzard for most of the game so now they're basically out of the playoffs

the sabres have won three straight, but don't play til wednesday, how will i survive?

i made a gingerbread house today, its tiny, but its not too shabby i'd say

i'm almost done with christmas shopping, I already got my uncle/godfather and aunt/godmother their gifts, i got my cousin her gift, i just need to get my mom and my sis gifts, any ideas? lemme know pleasee

it bugs me that the weather didnt live up to what it was supposed to do today. if it's gunna snow, at least snow a real lot so it causes a snow day of somethin, if not, just dont snow at all, that'd be perfect

i recently saw a quote from Ronnie Day that i found quite interesting:

"If you say you're afraid of the dark, well then maybe it's time to open your eyes and see light, you idiot. Life is to be lived, not bought, not won, not borrowed, stolen, or pawned. True virtue knows no excuse. Communicate. Listen, learn, and love that you may live."

i agree, i think that life should be lived to the best that you can live it. don't be selfish, but make sure you enjoy yourself with whatever you're doing. people may want you to do volunteer work, for example, but what they really want is for you to WANT to do to volunteer work. happiness, i believe, is the most important aspect of life, so enjoy your happiness, and do your best to surround yourself with people who make you happiest and away from those who bring you down. sure, you need to feel sad sometimes in order to appreciate the happiness, but sadness will always find you, you don't have to go searching for it in order to eventually be happy (if that makes sense).

basically, be happy, enjoy life, live it up, be young, do what YOU want and what YOU think you should do, not what others think you should do. if you're wrong, oh well, at least you can say you tried and didn't back away from something that could have been a good thing.

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 05:08:43 GMT

life is way too damn confusing

and i'm already done with my college applications

what the hell?!

snow =(

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 21:23:42 GMT

so i was just reading my ESPN magazine and i came across this funny yet depressing section:

Odds on what could save the Sabres season:
115 to 1 ... Free agency "redo"
93 to 1 ... An inspiring Super Bowl run by the Bills
2 to 1 ... Sabres. Real ones.

ughh, off to work =(

good luck with this one

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 22:27:37 GMT

ok so this entry is only to see if anyone can come up with the correct answer to this question:

right now, the mom is 21 years older than the child. in 6 years, the mom will be 5 times as old as the child.
so where's the father right now?

if u get it right, you get a prize =)

come sail away with me.

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 01:08:30 GMT

money is everything.

ok, at least for most things. i won't decide where i go to college, money will. money decides whether or not my hunger can be fulfilled throughout the day. money decides when i can get my new cell phone that i've been wanting to get for about a month now. money decides how much free time i have now and how much free time i will have during my last summer prior to college.

just now, my mom, while talking to my aunt on the phone, said "it's just money" with regards to college.

ha.

national honor society is a pain. they gave us 2 weeks to get the application done, and i have a lot of different people i have to get signatures from. fantastic.

i get deja vu a lot, like A LOT. it's weird. does it mean something? i don't remember my dreams, maybe like once a month i'll have slight remembrance of one that seems non-important, yet i get deja vu a lot. so...does it mean something?

why do i procrastinate? i came home, listened to some music and ate some girl scout cookies. after that and some internet surfing, i watched the tv show House that i recorded from last night, it was very good, then i fell asleep for a couple hours. my mom woke me up for dinner, and here i am now, listening to music again and thinking...

...just thinking.

i'm a copy cat.

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 23:45:31 GMT

RPI. RPI. RPI.
amazing. amazing. amazing.
BILLS!!! =D
sabres... =(
no more coughing =)
back to school =(
i'm eating starburst =)
lit homework =(
smiley faces are stupid
=)
i could go for an arctic mocha right about now
me no likey 30 degree weather
tomorrow will be 56 degrees
me likey =)
LETS PLAY FOOTBALL TOMORROW
i don't feel like writing that national honor society essay
or getting the appropriate signatures
oh well, gotta do whatcha gotta do
work friday =(
maybe no work saturday =)
hannah's is officially jerk mcjerk - queen of jerkland
the show "brothers and sisters" is incredibly good
ANTM....nooooooooooooooooooooooo
i'm getting a new phone soon, any tips?
i need money, any tips?
family from vermont is coming for thanksgiving =)
but then the only night i have free is the tuesday before break =( =( =(
tuesday! =(

don't let the door hit you on the way out

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 16:59:04 GMT

one door closes.

another door opens.